"This is station officer Jones from Bunker Control: the Commander is dead! It means you are in charge now!" This is the first line of dialogue in the game, and it's awful. Not only is the grammar relatively poor, but for me at the very least it immediately killed immersion. Jones feels completely two dimensional, not feeling emotional or professional - he just isn't a character at all here. Personally I suggest putting the starting message on multiple pages in order to ease the player into the story, rather than slapping them immediately in the face with a big "you're in charge now!" Any suggestions? I'm out of time here so I'll have to post on this later!